Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
