I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
