i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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