Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
