I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
