Christians are straight up FREAKS
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
