i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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