dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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