It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
