apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
