I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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