Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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