I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
