I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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