dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
