Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
