I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
