woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
