i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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