I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
