I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
should my penis look like a turkey
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
