i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Actions speak louder than pants.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
