I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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