I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
