Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
