so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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