All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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