I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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