Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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