I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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