i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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