I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The air was thick with penises
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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