seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
