he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We left the knife in your bed.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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