She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
