Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sorry about my life...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
