He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
two words...techno handjob
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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