I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
