I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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