Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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