I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
