so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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