I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
