he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
