i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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