two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I can't trust your balls anymore.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
