the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
