Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
