just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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