Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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