Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize