haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
