I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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