Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize