On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
