he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
