is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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