And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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