god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i wish my penis had a tongue
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
