all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize