No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think my fart just growled at me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
