She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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