i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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