Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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