Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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