The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
