Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
