here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
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Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
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Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.