I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.