and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.