Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.