Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.