if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
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I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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