i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
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also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
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drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess