Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
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can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there