You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
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You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...