I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
